Crawls back in with my tail between my legs...

Soooo, All the promises and good ideas of my last post got waylaid in the temptation of takeaways and toast.  I spent most of the last five months eating and now weigh a shameful 363lbs.  I've decided to sort myself out once and for all.

Any fat person will know that the thing that they spend most of their life worrying about is their weight.  Where can I get a new winter coat that will actually fit?  Do I dare try and squeeze myself on that ride in Blackpool?  If I suck my belly in like this will people not notice me?  Questions questions questions.  Being fat takes over your life.  You have two personalities, the real you, who you'd be if you weren't fat and the adipose that fills your mind with doubts and insecurities.

I need to start being me again.  Free from all thoughts of food.  I really do think it's a common misconception that fat people aren't aware of what they are eating.  LIES!!!  I know the calorific content of every food, from avocados to zucchinis (excuse the Americanism, I can't find any more "z" foods!)  My mind is constantly plagued with thoughts of, low carb, vs low fat and is it ok to eat this after 6pm on a leap year when it's a full moon!  I have diet overload.  Food overload! 

A scan of my kitchen cupboards reveals a ridiculous amount of foods from diets that have been and gone.  There are enough dried beans to feed the five thousand and sackfuls of vile vile porridge oats.  I think they remain from the Fat Smash.  Atkins has left me with a surplus of tuna and corned beef and I have enough vile, tasteless WW jellies to feed me until next year. 

Enough, I cried.  The cupboards have been shut and I'm going food free!  Food free you ask, what type of diet is that?!  I'm done with counting points, syns, carbs blah blah, I need to set the adipose free and just be me.  In order to do that I need to forget about feeding my face for a while.  Soooo I've decided to do a vlcd.  The Cambridge Diet is what its called.  I think I've mentioned it in the past, I've done it before, lost lots of weight but it wasn't for me at the time.  Something seems to have clicked this time round though and I'm ready to cleanse my mind of thoughts of food while casting this excess fat free.

Cambridge consists of various calorie controlled soups, shakes and bars which you have a certain amount of a day.  You can switch plans and include a small meal too if that is more convenient but I'm enjoying being a food free zone. 

I'm currently on day two and according to the little ketosticks I'm in ketosis.  I'm not hungry and feeling fine.  Long may this feeling last.

I'm back! The wanderer returns...

I'm chronically indecisive,  I admit it.  I've spent the past couple of years flitting from one diet to the next always on the look out for the holy grail.  I'd do ok and then the boredom would set in and the self sabotage began.  I think my last stint on WW was no different, counting points etc doesn't agree with me.  Its tedious and boring and I ran through two batteries for my digital scale in a week!

So whats the solution?  I joined a gym and got myself a personal trainer and I'm gonna do it old school!  My personal trainer has devised a very basic diet for me with a lot of options but no weighing or counting!  I'm also doiung 4 workouts a week two with her and two on my own.  I had my first session with her the other day, and still in PAIN!  I'm loving it, long may it last! 

The day of reckoning... Weigh In!

So today it was weigh in day.  I spent ages exfoliating (tmi I know!) and selecting the lightest clothes I own to wear to the meeting.  I don't think I've been so nervous in my life.  Thankfully all the hard work effort and 0 point soup has paid off and I am 8.5lbs lighter than I was a couple of weeks ago :-)  Happy days, and my first silver seven!  Go me!

I was beginning to waver a bit and the takeaway down the road has been calling my name.  However this has given me some newfound enthusiasm to go forth and lose this weight once and for all!  If you're considering signing up to WW or commencing any healthy eating plan just do it.  You have nothing to lose but weight and you will lose plenty of that!  Rightio, this is a short post, I'm going to get my dancing shoes on and go out and celebrate.  Have a great day people.

Mmmmmmm Soup with ZERO ProPoints!

I dragged my behind out for a walk today to explore the far off areas of my little bit of the world.  I found some lovely shops and stumbled across a beautiful little deli, selling the reddest tomatoes I have ever seen and oranges with the leaves still attached!  This delicious smell lured me inside and the source of it was a big pot of amazing aromatic soup.  Of course all posh deli's have prices to match their levels of swishness and this one was no exception.  As delightful as it smelled there is no way this Yorkshire lass is paying £4 for a pot of soup!

At home a scan of my cupboards and fridge revealed a half full bag of carrots and a big butternut squash.  I chopped these up and added half a chilli and two cloves of garlic.  The chilli and garlic aren't necessary but add extra flavour and depth.  Bland soup reminds me of baby food, the taste, texture and colour are practically identical so adding extras makes it taste 100% better.  To also add flavour to the soup, get your spices out.  I added generous spoons of cumin, turmeric, coriander and mustard seed, which is basically curry powder.  I popped this in the oven for 30 mins to toast the spices and slightly cook the veg which gives the soup a deep roasted flavour.  Amazing!

 

Orange Goodness pre roasting!

You may have noticed I haven't peeled my butternut squash.  DON'T, life is too short!  It is perfectly edible and is not noticeable at all when blended up.  When the veg is softened pop it into a pan with enough boiling water to cover.  Bring to the boil and then simmer until the veg is soft.  Blend this until you get a beautiful dark orange soup.  Pour into a bowl, locate spoon. Enjoy!

The finished product

Five things I hate about being fat.

I was in town the other day and walked past a Greggs, then a Burger King and a Krispy Kreme shop within about 30 seconds.  Burger king I can take or leave but I had a slight pang for a sausage roll when walking past Greggs.  I almost cracked when I got a whiff of the doughnuts though but was saved when I caught sight of my reflection in the gleaming glass door of Krispy Kreme!

My reflection, possibly the thing I hate the most about being fat.  I know I'm not ugly, but I'm soooo aware that my potential prettiness is disguised by the 12 stone odd of excess fat I'm carrying.  The why am I doing this post I made the other day started this, but here I'm going to think about the things I hate the most about being fat.  These will become my reasons to lose weight and I will refer to it everytime I contemplate visiting just eat, just having "one more" portion or sugar in my tea!   These are in no particular order, just random musings.  Do you agree with any?

Plus size clothes.  Is it just me or are they all just bobbins?  Evans seems to make clothes for chavvy teenagers or 60 year old women.  On the rare occasion I find something that I like I need to remortgage my house to afford it AND THEN it only lasts two washes!  Grrrrr rant over.  I cannot wait for the day when I have more choice in what I wear.  To be able to by clothes because I love them and not because they fit is a dream!              
                                                                                     
 Plane Seats.  Not only am I fat, I'm also almost six feet tall.  Plane seats are my biggest nightmare.  I live in fear that I'll be asked to get off, or pay for two seats.  Now I can normally just manage to squeeze into a seat but its no fun for me and I hate it if I'm sat next to someone who I don't know.  I love travelling and seeing the world and with the rise of cheap flights its soooo accessible.  However generally the cheaper the plane the smaller the seat and I'm not even going to risk squeezing my fat ass into a cheapo airline seat.                                                                                                                                                                      
Exercise.  I know how good exercise is for you and believe me, if I've done some I feel amazing!  However I hate how much it hurts, how much effort it is.  I'm not talking about running marathons here, just simple things like running for a bus or climbing the two flights of stairs to my flat.  I also really love to swim.  I used to live in a house where there was a private swimming pool - incidentally I was my lowest weight ever at that time.  I long to don my swimming costume and 

High Heels  I love shoes.  There I admitted it.  I probably love shoes more than chocolate.  My fave are Carrie Bradshaw esque high heeled lovlies.  However since I put on weight I find them almost impossible to wear.  They HURT!  My ankles scream in pain, my little toes almost sob and the balls of my feet waver under the agony of the pressure of all my mass bearing down upon them.  I think the second I get to goal weight I'm going to get a pair of these and wear them 24/7.

Goal Shoes!

Snoring.  This one is embarrassing.  I hate the fact that I snore, I don't dare sleep at anyone elses home.  And spending the night with a new man fills me with terror.  Lying there trying to make sure I don't fall asleep before him and then feeling the inevitable nudge and a crushing whisper of "baby you're snoring," is possibly the most devastating thing on earth.  I've spent nights with men to wake up and find them asleep on the sofa.  No more!

Cutting it out...

I've mentioned WeightWatchers before in the blog but not really discussed my reasons for choosing this diet when there are a million and one others out there.  Earlier I had a comment from a lovely lady called Echoburning.  She made a comment about the Atkins diet which made everything click, let me try and explain it.

I've talked about the million and one diets available.  I've probably tried about 99% of them.  Most of them worked... for a while.  They worked as long as I followed them to the letter and didn't deviate from the rules and regulations they stipulated.  These diets all work on a system of deprivation.  As long as you are "good" and stick to the rules you will lose weight.  However if you are "bad" and eat a forbidden food or make a couple of wrong choices then the pounds lost will come back twice as fast as they disappeared.

Banned!!!

The whole A-Z of diets from Atkins to the Zone work by cutting out a food group, brainwashing people into thinking a particular food is bad.  I've been a vegan and stopped eating all animal products.  I went through a phase of not eating white foods.  Most significantly I've spent the past couple of years on a variety of diets that banned carbs, some banned white rice, some all carbs all together, some forbade fruit and non of them allowed bread.  These type of diets are simply not sustainable for the long term.  The second you start to eat the banned foods then the weight will come knocking.

As a result I'm scared of carbs.  Its laughable isn't it.  A 6ft tall 25 stone Yorkshire lass who is terrified of a piece of bread.  I think the months spent on diets where carbs were forbidden made me crave them more.  I'm only human and that old saying about always wanting what you can't have is soooo true.  I can give or take chocolate, but put a loaf of fresh bread in front of me and I could inhale the whole thing in ten seconds flat.  I'd start a diet, deprive myself of carbs and crave them until I inevitably cracked.  I'd eat the bread, feel happy for a minute until the "why did I do this, I hate myself"  feelings would start.  I've spent years in this circle and needed a way out.

I think I've found my solution in WW.  Finally a diet where nothing is forbidden.  I love the fact that you can eat what you want as long as you monitor it through pro points.  I now need to work on the issues I've developed with carbs and learn to control myself when I eat them.  Fingers crossed x

What's Cooking...

I have a passion for jam, I don't know why, its just one of those things that I really love.  However all that fruit and sugar is just sooooooo calorific that it is banned from my house.  I'm following the Weight Watchers diet at the moment you may have heard that they have totally changed the points system round and introduced ProPoints.  I'm quite excited about propoints they seem to have some "science" behind them and have taken into account how the body processes food.  One big positive is that fruit is now free - I used to hate having to point an apple!  Pointless when you could have a bag of crisps for the same amount!

Anyway back to the jam.  Imagine my excitement when I found a post in the WW forum about 0pp jam!  I had to have a go.  I went to the shop last night and got all the bits.  Here is how to do it.

Stuff you need

1 box of frozen fruit

1 sachet of sugar free jelly.  I used the Hartleys one in strawberry.
Pan
Wooden spoon
Clean jam jar, or even a a plastic container will do.



1.  First put the fruit in a pan and warm on a low heat until it is starting to lose shape.
2. Then mash the fruit using a potato masher.  Nb.  My jam has lots of "bits" in it from the seeds.  I don't mind this at all, the fibre is good for you but if you hate bits then I think it would be fine to sieve the mixture at this point.

It should look like this after mashing.

 3.  Leave the mix to cool a bit then add a sachet of sugar free jelly and mix well.
4.  Pour the mix into a jar and place into the fridge to set.  It might be advisable to leave the mix to cool if you have a glass jar.

5.  Leave in the fridge overnight or for a few hours to set.

ZERO point Jam :-)

I had some for breakfast this morning with yogurt and some divine Dorset cereal muesli.  It just added some extra sweetness but is slightly tangy.  It works well with yogurt too.  Kind of like a homemade fruit corner.  Delicious!

I think this jam would be free on Slimming World too, 0 syns people!  If you are calorie counting then the fruit has 165cal, and a sachet of jelly 32 so for the whole pot just 197 cals.  Amazing!