Tuesday 20 September 2011

Crawls back in with my tail between my legs...

Soooo, All the promises and good ideas of my last post got waylaid in the temptation of takeaways and toast.  I spent most of the last five months eating and now weigh a shameful 363lbs.  I've decided to sort myself out once and for all.

Any fat person will know that the thing that they spend most of their life worrying about is their weight.  Where can I get a new winter coat that will actually fit?  Do I dare try and squeeze myself on that ride in Blackpool?  If I suck my belly in like this will people not notice me?  Questions questions questions.  Being fat takes over your life.  You have two personalities, the real you, who you'd be if you weren't fat and the adipose that fills your mind with doubts and insecurities.

I need to start being me again.  Free from all thoughts of food.  I really do think it's a common misconception that fat people aren't aware of what they are eating.  LIES!!!  I know the calorific content of every food, from avocados to zucchinis (excuse the Americanism, I can't find any more "z" foods!)  My mind is constantly plagued with thoughts of, low carb, vs low fat and is it ok to eat this after 6pm on a leap year when it's a full moon!  I have diet overload.  Food overload! 

A scan of my kitchen cupboards reveals a ridiculous amount of foods from diets that have been and gone.  There are enough dried beans to feed the five thousand and sackfuls of vile vile porridge oats.  I think they remain from the Fat Smash.  Atkins has left me with a surplus of tuna and corned beef and I have enough vile, tasteless WW jellies to feed me until next year. 

Enough, I cried.  The cupboards have been shut and I'm going food free!  Food free you ask, what type of diet is that?!  I'm done with counting points, syns, carbs blah blah, I need to set the adipose free and just be me.  In order to do that I need to forget about feeding my face for a while.  Soooo I've decided to do a vlcd.  The Cambridge Diet is what its called.  I think I've mentioned it in the past, I've done it before, lost lots of weight but it wasn't for me at the time.  Something seems to have clicked this time round though and I'm ready to cleanse my mind of thoughts of food while casting this excess fat free.

Cambridge consists of various calorie controlled soups, shakes and bars which you have a certain amount of a day.  You can switch plans and include a small meal too if that is more convenient but I'm enjoying being a food free zone. 

I'm currently on day two and according to the little ketosticks I'm in ketosis.  I'm not hungry and feeling fine.  Long may this feeling last.